If you do one thing this week...

BE A 'REAL' FRIEND.

It's that time of the day - overnight guests are gone. lunch mess is cleaned up. boys are napping - and it's time to rally together an inspirational blog post for y'all before it's off to swim. When I sat down to the computer, I myself needed inspiration and thanks to Facebook, an article just popped into my news feed that is a great reminder for the week. So thanks to my "real" friend Jodi, here is a blog post from Marc & Angel's Hack Life on what it means to be a real friend (and a good partner) ---

As we grow, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

{Isn't that the truth? Something I feel I didn't really grasp until I hit my 30's. What a breath of fresh air.}

Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.

{Love.that.entire.blurb.}

Here are 15 things real friends do differently:

1) They face problems together. – A person who truly knows and loves you – a real friend – is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face. Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.

2) They give what they can because they truly care. – One of the biggest challenges in relationships comes from the fact that many of us enter a relationship in order to get something. We try to find someone who’s going to make us feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last, and give us joy in the long-term, is if we see our relationship as a place we go to give, and not just a place we go to take. Yes, of course it is okay to take something from a relationship too. But both sides should be giving. It can only be a ‘give and take’ if BOTH SIDES are GIVING. That’s the key.

3) They make time for each other. – It’s obvious, but any relationship without any face time is going to have problems. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you, they will create one for you. (Read The How of Happiness.)

4) They offer each other freedom. – A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make them leave.

5) They communicate effectively. – It’s been said many times before, but it’s true: great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too.

6) They accept each other as is. – Trying to change a person never works. People know when they are not accepted in their entirety, and it hurts. A real friend is someone who truly knows you, and loves you just the same. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. If you feel like changing something about your friend, ask yourself what change you can make in yourself instead.

7) They are genuine, and expect genuineness. – As Leo F. Buscaglia once said, “Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Always be open, honest, and genuine. (Read The Mastery of Love.)

8) They compromise. – Real friends meet in the middle. When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.

9) They support each other’s growth changes. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you grown. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

10) They believe in each other. – Simply believing in another person, and showing it in your words and deeds, can make a huge difference in their life. Studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes but who grew up to be happy and successful show that the one thing they had in common was someone who believed in them. Do this for those you care about. Support their dreams and passions and hobbies. Participate with them. Cheer for them. Be nothing but encouraging. Whether they actually accomplish these dreams or not, your belief is of infinite importance to them.

11) They maintain realistic expectations of their relationship. – No one is happy all the time. Friends must keep realistic expectations of each other. Notice when you’re projecting something onto the other person that has nothing to do with them, like a fear from a past relationship, and then make an effort to let it go. Recognize when you’re looking for that person to do something for you that you need to do for yourself, like making you feel lovable or take care of your needs, and then release those expectations and do it for yourself.

12) They honor each other in small ways on a regular basis. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters. Make an effort to really listen – not just wait to talk. See the other person as if for the first time. It’s all too easy to take someone for granted. Really notice all the wonderful things they do, and let them know what you see.

13) They listen, and they hear every word. – Giving a person a voice, and showing them that their words matter, will have a long-lasting impact on them. Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.

14) They keep their promises. – Your word means everything. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. Real friends keep promises and tell the truth upfront. (Read The Four Agreements.)

15) They stick around. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.

Wanna go on a "date?"

I've always wondered why when you get married, you're not considered "dating" anymore. You still like them, right? You do enjoy spending time with them, right? Isn't that what dating is??

According to Wikipedia, dating " refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple."

If that's the case, you're still dating. And just like when you were in the early lovey dovey courtship stages  - pre kids and chaos - you should make dating your spouse a priority.

But dating takes work. It means planning and taking time away from the whirlwind of appointments, kids and housework. Sadly, most relationships let their activities take precedence and as an effect, relationships aren't being cultivated and nurtured like they should.

Relationship expert and marriage counselor, Michele Weiner-Davis cites kids as being a major reason for the romantic disconnect that may exist between a couple, "As a culture, we have become very child-focused and parents feel like they need to spend all their free time with their kids," she explains, "but parents should spend time with one another for their kids. If they don't spend time with one another, they're not bonding or building [on their] friendship."

As a practicing marriage counselor since the 1980s, Weiner-Davis often comes into contact with couples that are struggling to figure out the reason their relationship is failing. She is often able to cut to the root of the problem by asking one simple question: "When was the last time you went on a date?"

"[A lot of times] they look at each other and say 'I don't know,' or talk about the last baseball game they took little Steven to," explains Weiner-Davis. "They are just not recognizing that romantic time with one another is what a relationship should be about - it should not just be the icing on the cake."

She almost always recommends that couples start instituting a one-on-one "date night" to allow spouses the opportunity to enjoy each other's company...without any distractions.

Says Weiner-Davis, "I encourage couples, regardless of their feelings, to spend more time and catch up on each other's lives. They are surprised the impact it has on their lives and what they were missing. I think it's a lot more powerful than what we can talk about in therapy."

My husband and I have always been very intentional about spending one-on-one time together but Shannon Brown over at Finding Joy in the Journey inspired me even further. I love the idea of her date envelopes...

This basket holds 12 envelopes. Each labeled with a month of the year. And each envelope contains a pre-planned, (mostly) pre-paid date just for us. Some of the dates will take place at home, some are planned for the local area, and some will take us into town. All 12 dates are different. Several, actually nearly all of the dates are things we have never done before.

The plan is to open the envelope together at the beginning of the month, look at the calendar and decide on a date. So right from the beginning of the month, we'll have a fun date on the calendar to look forward to.

If you want to start dating your spouse again, this is an easy place to start. To involve your spouse, have him come up with six dates and you come up with six. Click HERE to read some of her date ideas. This is also a fabulously fun wedding gift. Get creative with fun things to do around town and include gift cards to make it even more memorable.

Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together -- just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling." - Joe J. Christensen

If you do ONE thing this week...

PLAN A DATE NIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

Does going out on a date sound inviting, but the reality of actually doing it is overwhelming? Are you so disconnected from your spouse that you fear you'll have nothing to talk about? Finding a reliable sitter isn't always easy, and paying for a sitter can be even more painful. Plus, after dealing with work and kids all day, who has the energy to stay up late enough to go out?

Alright that's it, stop right there! When Dave and I got married we made a pact that our relationship is #1 no matter what. Yes, we love our children and they will always be a top priority but they come second to our marriage. It always kills me when I hear people say they haven't gone out with their spouse in months. Months??? Are you kidding. I'd kill myself. Dave and I are very intentional about going out once per week without kids. Usually Saturday night. Whether we have plans or not. I always get asked, "what do you guys go do?" Sometimes it's a well planned out night. We might be meeting friends or have a function to attend. Other times we hop in the car, drive to a new city and end up at a restaurant that has great Yelp reviews for round one of cocktails. Then hop to a new place for appetizers. Then on to a different spot for dinner. Followed by a fun place for dessert. Those are my all-time favorite nights. They are spontaneous and exciting. There have been times though that I've ended up in Home Depot in heels picking out paint colors. And other times we might just go on a walk. A super fun night that pops into mind was when we were driving home from dinner and Dave pulled off the freeway, handed me $20 as we walked into the Casino and told me that once the money was spent, we were leaving. No matter what the date night entails, we know going out, being around one another without the kids is what keeps our marriage healthy and vibrant and is well worth the time, effort, and money - for both us and our kids.

But after a busy day, I get that many of us have little energy left for our mates. The needs of work, children, and the household are real and often immediate, leaving our spouses' needs last on our lists. Yet while an infant's needs should take priority—and yes, infants have a lot of needs—denying your spouse's needs and worrying only about the kids can be detrimental to your marriage.

One might assume a strong family unit focuses on the children, yet experts agree the heart of a successful family is a secure marriage. In Parent Power!, author John Rosemond states that the marriage is the nucleus of the family. It creates, defines, and sustains the family unit. Rosemond says, "Children's needs are met if the needs of the marriage are met."

Dr. Judith Siegel, PhD, author of What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage, agrees that couple time is a necessity. "I have found that couples who rarely spend time together are not able to support and take care of each other, and that there are painful consequences," says Dr. Siegel. Having children is stressful enough without the added burden of an unhappy marriage. Instead, experts agree couples should spend time together as a way to keep the marriage a priority.

Finding alone time with your spouse may not be easy but it is achievable, and having fun together enhances a marriage. According to Linda and Richard Eyre, co-authors of The Happy Family, dating your spouse keeps your relationship fresh. "Married couples who still have a weekly or biweekly date on a set night tend to keep a courtship mentality that prompts better communication and a more lasting romance," they write.

But what about the children? Isn't leaving them behind unfair? Experts say no. Going out with your spouse teaches your children that marriage and partnership are important. Dr. Siegel notes that children learn what to expect from a marriage through their parents' relationship. "When children see how much their parents value each other and their relationship, they are learning about an important source of fulfillment and gratification," writes Dr. Siegel.

Here's a thought: Your children might actually enjoy having a babysitter. For many, a babysitter is a change of pace, someone new to interact and play with, someone whose rules and ways of doing things are different. Even children who have difficulty at first will come around. Everything takes time. Learning to have fun without you is a good lesson in independence for all children. And just remember - they need a break from you just as much as you need a break from them!

Last but not least, what about you? When is the last time you felt like a person instead of a parent? Being a good mom or dad does not mean being a martyr, and even the best of parents get tired of changing diapers, playing Barbies, and picking up toys. Remembering that you are a human being with a personality and interests can be very refreshing—and make you a better parent.

Trying to think of fun dates that won't break the bank? Unfortunately the cost of dinner and a movie isn't what it used to be so look into a matinee. If money is an issue for you, get creative. A free concert in the park, a hike together, a stroll through the art museum—the possibilities are endless. Find a place to go dancing (Dave's ultimate date!). Instead of doing out to dinner, pack a picnic and go watch the sunset at the beach. Or grab appetizers during Happy Hour for half the cost. Or sip on coffee at a local coffee house while listening to a local artist play. Even an hour to grab ice cream can be all you need to reconnect. Any money you spend is an investment in your marriage. No matter what you do, you'll bask in the freedom of no stroller, no diaper bag, and no interruptions!

Dating your spouse is fun and healthy for the whole family. The key is to do what feels comfortable and right for your crew. With a little ingenuity, you'll find a night out with your spouse is a positive experience for all. My one rule: No checking email and no texting during your time together. It will be there when you are done. So go on, line up sitter and give yourself a break! Pretty soon, your kids will be asking, "When can we have the babysitter again?"