New Uses for Old Things: Valentine's Edition

This February 14, you can craft handmade and heartfelt sentiments even if you're all thumbs. Like me. These DIY cards are inexpensive and simple. What's not to love? 

 

Birthday Candles: Turn a birthday party prop into a loved one's bright spot on February 14. All you'll need to make this card is a blank note card, glue, birthday candles and a felt tip marker.

 

Matchbook: Once you've found your perfect match, it's easy to turn sentiments into handmade crafts. Start with a blank note card, glue, matchboook and a felt tip marker.

Playing Card: When the stakes are high, you'd bet your money (and your heart) on this guy. Start with a blank note card, glue, playing card and a felt tip marker.

Puzzle Pieces: For the one who lights up your life, create a card that'll be for keeps. Start with a blank note card, glue, puzzle pieces and a felt tip marker.

Want to give the best Vday gift of all time? Discover what it is HERE.

Other Valentine's Day food ideas from Hailey's Helpful Hints found HERE.

Looking for sweet inspiration for Vday treats? Click HERE.

Want thrifty but cute Vday gift ideas? Get inspired HERE.  

A yummy pink dessert that is great for summer but works for Vday as well found HERE.

 

Fancy Friday: Sweet Pea Apple Wine

It never fails that if I stand long enough in line, I will be suckered into buying something within reach. This week: Sweet Pea Apple Wine from Cost Plus World Market.

Initially drawn to the adorable packaging (I mean c'mon, LOOK at it) and the name, it didn't help that it was on sale for $5.99. Intrigued by the whole "apple wine" novelty factor, into the cart it went.

As I got to the front of the line, the cashier acknowledges that wine and says, "Oh this is sooo good. Not too sweet. Such a nice summer wine. It's been flying off the shelf."

Well if that's the case - I grabbed the remaining five off the display. Nothing worse than wanting something you can't have, right?

That night I took one bottle to a girl's gathering. Literally gone in four minutes.

Hence why this made the Fancy Friday list. If you're looking for a new summer drink, give this a try. Even if you're a traditionalist who likes bold red wine, you might like this refreshing change up on a warm summer night.

Pleasing as peach cobbler and refreshing as a cool glass of cider, Sweet Pea is ripe with 100% real Washington (shout-out to my home state!) grown golden delicious apple flavors, hints of peachy sweetness and a crisp, clean finish. An excellent and affordable substitute to high caloric fruity cocktails.

Who says housewives have to be desperate?

Available at Cost Plus World Market & Total Wine.

Wanna go on a "date?"

I've always wondered why when you get married, you're not considered "dating" anymore. You still like them, right? You do enjoy spending time with them, right? Isn't that what dating is??

According to Wikipedia, dating " refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple."

If that's the case, you're still dating. And just like when you were in the early lovey dovey courtship stages  - pre kids and chaos - you should make dating your spouse a priority.

But dating takes work. It means planning and taking time away from the whirlwind of appointments, kids and housework. Sadly, most relationships let their activities take precedence and as an effect, relationships aren't being cultivated and nurtured like they should.

Relationship expert and marriage counselor, Michele Weiner-Davis cites kids as being a major reason for the romantic disconnect that may exist between a couple, "As a culture, we have become very child-focused and parents feel like they need to spend all their free time with their kids," she explains, "but parents should spend time with one another for their kids. If they don't spend time with one another, they're not bonding or building [on their] friendship."

As a practicing marriage counselor since the 1980s, Weiner-Davis often comes into contact with couples that are struggling to figure out the reason their relationship is failing. She is often able to cut to the root of the problem by asking one simple question: "When was the last time you went on a date?"

"[A lot of times] they look at each other and say 'I don't know,' or talk about the last baseball game they took little Steven to," explains Weiner-Davis. "They are just not recognizing that romantic time with one another is what a relationship should be about - it should not just be the icing on the cake."

She almost always recommends that couples start instituting a one-on-one "date night" to allow spouses the opportunity to enjoy each other's company...without any distractions.

Says Weiner-Davis, "I encourage couples, regardless of their feelings, to spend more time and catch up on each other's lives. They are surprised the impact it has on their lives and what they were missing. I think it's a lot more powerful than what we can talk about in therapy."

My husband and I have always been very intentional about spending one-on-one time together but Shannon Brown over at Finding Joy in the Journey inspired me even further. I love the idea of her date envelopes...

This basket holds 12 envelopes. Each labeled with a month of the year. And each envelope contains a pre-planned, (mostly) pre-paid date just for us. Some of the dates will take place at home, some are planned for the local area, and some will take us into town. All 12 dates are different. Several, actually nearly all of the dates are things we have never done before.

The plan is to open the envelope together at the beginning of the month, look at the calendar and decide on a date. So right from the beginning of the month, we'll have a fun date on the calendar to look forward to.

If you want to start dating your spouse again, this is an easy place to start. To involve your spouse, have him come up with six dates and you come up with six. Click HERE to read some of her date ideas. This is also a fabulously fun wedding gift. Get creative with fun things to do around town and include gift cards to make it even more memorable.

Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together -- just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling." - Joe J. Christensen

Cheers to 32!

Guess what today is?? It's my birthday! 32. Nothing special. You better believe I've already devoured 4 tasty pieces of Funfetti Pop Cake, which at this rate means I'll eat 11 by days end. If you didn't catch that Sweet Sunday post awhile back and have never had pop/soda cake, you're truly missing out. It's definitely on my love list. Dying to know what else is on my love list? Did I hear a yes? Ok. Since you insist, here are 31 more love list items (in no particular order) that come to mind as I type. I'll keep out the obvious; family, friends, God, sunshine, the beach...

1) BRAVO television network

2) Pinterest.com

3) Fuji apples

4) SHAPE magazine

5) Gummy worms

6) The television show, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"

7) Running

8) Turkey sandwich on wheat with Sweet Onion sauce from Subway

9) A "Shandi" - 3/4 beer, 1/4 Diet Sprite

10) The song by Kanye West & Rihanna, "All of the Lights"

11) Dark Grey anything

12) Zout Stain Removal

13) Organizing

14) College Football - Go Dawgs!!

15) Traveling

16) To-Do Lists

17) Skinny Margaritas

18) Tory Burch Thora flip flop

19) McDonald's ice cream (did you know it's low fat??)

20) Mascara

21) Watching golf on Sunday

22) Costco's Kirkland Signature Baby Wipes

23) Insanity Workout DVD's

24) Wearing white

25) Hall & Oates

26) Chrystal Light On-The-Go packets

27) Maxi Dresses

28) Sonia Kashuk nail polish in "Tauped" ($4.99, Target)

29) Ellen Degeneres

30) RunKeeper app (Free, itunes.com)

31) Stripes

FANCY FRIDAY

Not to get too personal on you but this week was one of those weeks were just when I thought I couldn't fall any deeper in love with my husband, I did. He was very attentive. Said all the right things. Helped without being asked. He hugged me at all the right times. I am truly blessed.

But like any marriage though, we've had our down times. Our first year of marriage was really hard for us. We had fallen into a rut of trying to change one another and had lost sight of the qualities that made us initially fall in love with one another. During that low point, we went on a date to "reconnect." I came up with this somewhat cheesy idea to paint a dinner plate at one of those do-it-yourself ceramic painting studios - "Paint the Town" in Seattle to be exact - with the words: I LOVE YOU BECAUSE...
Surprisingly, over the past 7.5 years that silly plate has brought so much clarity, reassurance and expression to our marriage. It's one thing to say you love someone. It's another thing to actually express WHY you love them. The rules of the plate are this: It could be used at any meal but you have to tell the other just why you love them. It could be something they did that particular day that made you smile. Or something they said that was special to you. It can be really deep or as simple as, "I love you because you are a good listener." The plate can be used as little or as much as we see fit.

This past week as I set out the dinner plates around the table, I put the special plate on Dave's placemat. He needed to know that his actions did not go unnoticed. When he walked into the kitchen, his face lit up with excitement. My heart melted. I would have never thought that the symbolism and simplicity of the special plate would be so influential in our marriage. And that is what tickles my fancy.

Your turn...what tickled your fancy this week??

Understanding your child's LOVE LANGUAGE

Back in November I asked the question, "What is your LOVE LANGUAGE?" Most people that have never read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. If you are one of them and are in a relationship, I encourage you to seek out this book. Even if your relationship is good, it will change the dynamics for the better.

I am firm believer that there are extreme benefits to speaking your partner's unique 'love language,' a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. These languages are proven to be universal and comprehensive. Meaning everyone has a love language. Even your children. As I approach having my second child, I've been thinking a lot about the individual personalities that my children will have. As of now, I only know Chase - my high energy, lovable, sensitive, outgoing ball of fire. But I know Lance will have a personality all his own and will express things in his individual ways.

As I've grown to know Chase more over his last 2.5 years of life, I have realized that Chase needs to be shown a love that is unique to him. Different than my husband, different from me and most undoubtedly different than Lance. The key to a happy household and fulfilled children is to figure out the love language for each and then communicate your love to them in their language. To recap Chapman's five love languages:

Words of Affirmation: In this language, people need to hear compliments; to be “stroked” by the words of others.

Quality Time: Like Chase, people who hear love by quality time know they are loved when people spend time with them—listening, walking, talking, going on trips.

Physical Touch: People who hear love in this way need to be touched; hugged, sitting close together, back rubs, and such.

Receiving Gifts: People who speak this love language need to receive thoughtful and personal gifts—not necessarily expensive, but individual.

Acts of Service: With this love language, people hear love through others giving them acts of service—making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, doing a chore that they dislike.

Learning how to communicate your children's love language is hard. Some might be too young to articulate it while other's may not grasp the concept. So how do you know which love language works for your child, and how do you use that knowledge to better communicate love to them?

Chapman suggests that we try all five and see what sticks. But he also recommends that we watch how they show love to others to see what language works for them. For example, if your child is constantly doing little things for others, it is safe to try to use the acts of service language. If you have a child who wants to come jump in your lap and cuddle, physical touch is likely their principle love language. So try to be observant and pay attention to how they best respond.

Given these love languages, what would be some things that would work for a parent who wants to speak his child's love language?

If your child has Words of Affirmation as his primary love language, criticism cuts deep. If you need to correct him, be specific as to what you want him or her to change, but make sure you include positive and loving words. Compliment your child often; find opportunities to say positive things to him and about him to others.

For those children who hear love through Quality Time, there is no good alternative to spending time together. Go on a walk, to the gym, or on a car ride. When she asks you to take her somewhere or come see something she has been working on, make the effort to do it and make it a priority.
Children who receive love through Physical Touch will appreciate cuddle time—maybe a story, singing songs together, or just sitting close watching a movie or playing a game. Boys who appreciate physical touch will enjoy a little wrestling match. When they get a little older, the same physical approaches may not work or may be uncomfortable. But an occasional hug, a touch on their shoulder or arm, or a pat on the back will be appropriate.

If your child receives love through Receiving Gifts, consider the occasional card, a balloon bouquet left at a school locker or putting a treat in their school backpack. Make sure you express your love verbally or in writing with the gift. This can be overdone and thus become meaningless; but remembering his or her love language with occasional and personal gifts will create good loving experiences.

Children who have Acts of Service as a love language will best appreciate your doing little things for them. If they dislike doing the dishes, get up and do the dishes, and tell her that you love her while you do it. If she has a special interest, learn more about it so you can participate with her. Anything that is a sacrifice of time on your part will be a loving message.

Kids desperately need to know how much you love them. But if you don’t know their special “love languages” you might as well be speaking gibberish. Every child (like every adult) expresses and receives love best through one of five communication styles. If your love language is different from your children’s, you’d better learn to translate—fast. Or you could miss your chance to meet their deepest emotional needs. Discover how to express unconditional feelings of respect, affection and commitment that will resonate in their souls— and inspire them for the rest of their lives.

If you want to learn more, I encourage you to buy the book, "The Five Love Languages of Children."

What is your LOVE language?

I recently set off to meet my husband in NYC for a weekend in the BIG city. Kid-less. Ahhhh. As I sat there waiting for the plane to take off, I thought, “ok now what?” I had almost forgotten what it felt like to travel without Chase, the sound of Barney's voice and all the “extras”– stroller, diaper bag packed with food, diapers, change of clothes, DVD’s and a purse packed with dinosaurs and Match Box Cars. After I got comfy in my seat and was handed my usual Club Soda, I dove into a book I’d been meaning to read for quite some time – “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I started to read…and read…until I couldn’t read anymore. 5 hours later, I had completed the book and felt so inspired to start my journey on learning to speak and better understand the unique love language of my husband to make our already incredible marriage that much better.

I was finishing up my Junior year at the University of Washington when I first met Dave. Call me young and dumb but after a month of dating, I knew he was the one. We had that crazy obsessive love that every girl dreams about. I’ll never forget though when “Practical Dave” said to me, “Love is a choice. I’m choosing to love you everyday of my life regardless of the good, bad and the ugly.” Instead of rejoicing in the fact that he just said he chose ME and ONLY me, I took offense to his cold, unmagical approach on love. Was he telling me that he could essentially feel this same way for any ol’ person off the street and love them just as much? What if he chooses one day not to love me anymore?

Dave and I have now been married for seven wonderful years. Like every couple, we’ve fallen out of that euphoric “in love” state and naturally over time, have chosen to commit ourselves to “real love” – an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. A love that unites reason and emotion. A love that involves an act of will and requires discipline. In our vows we swore that in good times and in bad, we would hold on to each other forever with a realistic view that we are not going to always be as perfect as we seemed right then. Ironically, after a few chapters into “The Five Love Languages,” Dr. Chapman (author) confirmed after many years of research that love is a choice. This love begins with an attitude that says, “I’m married/committed to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.”

Do you find yourself constantly needing more from your significant other? Is your love tank empty? Do you try to communicate what you need but it just doesn’t seem to sync in? If you answered "yes" to any of these, it’s probably because either you or your spouse hasn’t learned how to express the right love language! After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive. Everyone has a love language and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation: This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.

Quality Time: Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.

Gifts: It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.

Acts of Service: Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.

Physical Touch: Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

This is where I found the book most fascinating. The book points out that ironically most couples do not have the same love language. Opposites attract at its finest right? If you express love in a way that your significant doesn’t understand, they won’t realize you’ve expressed love at all. If your spouse needs quality time and you're off buying them gifts thinking he'll love them, you're going to continue to have issues until you make a conscious choice to speak THEIR language and meet their emotional needs. Speaking in your spouse's love language probably won't be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says - "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough." If you choose to do this for their benefit, their emotional love tank will be filled and chances are they will reciprocate and speak your language back to you. This creates a cycle of unconditional, never failing love.

The idea seems simple, we all feel loved in different ways. If we don’t take the time to understand how another feels loved, we do things with good intention, but which don’t have the desired effect. I think many people, women and men alike, believe that love is something that just occurs from a feeling that suddenly comes over them. For anyone who has been married or in a serious relationship, we know love is both a noun - the feeling - and a verb - the actions you take because you feel that way. The noun part is the feeling you have when you are in the same room with that person, when you touch or think about them. The verb part is actually work. Successful love is only possible when both partners know that love as a verb is very action oriented. This is true in the beginning of a relationship or after many years together. If you aren't consistently action oriented with your love for someone, it will not be there.

When you love someone, you should be aware that you are making a choice to take action with your love in the best interest of your partner. Love is not self-serving; it is a shared experience so both need to be fully committed to maintaining that love indefinitely. Unfortunately, in most cases we let our egos, and sometimes just laziness, complicate things and we choose to stop acting on our love, even when one person has maintained their commitment to love. If more people understood that love is a choice, we'd have fewer divorces and more happy couples. If everyone would choose to invest in love, they could have it and keep it.

If you feel like your relationship has lost that spark or you’re going through the motions and nothing is getting better, I encourage you to read the book and learn how to speak your significant other’s love language before giving up. Put your ego aside, take action and make a choice to reignite the passion. After reading this book I personally felt inspired to be a better wife for Dave. Although he hasn't read the book, he feels compelled more than ever to do the same for me. I feel loved both verbally, through words of affirmation and through physical touch. Dave is Acts of Service. How do you feel loved? What does your significant need to feel loved?

If you don’t know immediately what your love language is, take this quick quiz to figure out: http://edified.org/myspace/lovelanguage